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Remember when Jasmalien bashed people on message boards and said she prayed to God every night to MAKE PEOPLE VOTE FOR HER







I hated her so much. I'm actually kind of happy she's back <3

yessssssssss

this is my favorite jasmalien costco tour performance:



thousands of people walking by her without paying attention <3
freaking out and acting like the microphone is broken <3

I like how the show's Jasmine update made it seem like she was an international superstar

In anticipation of Ramiellien hatred, I present to you.......

THE TOP 5 MOST LAFFOTASTIC INSUFFERABLE JASMINE PERFORMANCES

5. "Here We Are"



It starts off okay. After all, we can't expect much from her. But then the bridge arrives and she starts to lose it, leading up to the climax of the song where she lets out a huge CROAK. "There's no turning back this TIIIIII*crackle*IIIIME!!!!! NO NO NOOOOOOOOO!" She never recovers and everything after is a complete tonal nightmare <3

4. "Almost Like Being In Love"



She gave a decent trademark meek and mild Jasmine performance with "The Way You Look Tonight," but it had to be ruined with her other trademark, warbling and croaking while making awkward dance motions and nonsensical adlibs. "Hit it boys! WOO!!!" She also wore that Alo-ho kitty whore outfit that showed off her yellow training bra. She became more and more out of breath as it went on and as a result she sounded more and more like a garbage disposal. I can't help but giggle.

3. "All By Myself"



For those who don't remember, Jasmine had like a 6 week run of doing songs that were done somewhat famously on AI before. That strategy came back to haunt her when she was forced to sing this in the top 3 after infamously defeating LaToya the week before. It was the song that finally caused the demise of the Jasmalien Monster, but it gave me some laughs at least! Her femullet, Hawaiian alien smiles, and desperate breathing after each line of the song were great, but what makes it truly glorious is that she seems to burp into the microphone after the string of strained glory notes. The croak heard round the world <3

2. "Everlasting Love"



"Come on everybody! *kitty giggles*" I think that's the welcome that awaits me in Hell.

In this performance, Jasmine had the crimped hair, the high heels, and the sleek whore dress. I guess she was going for the teenage Laosian mail order love slave look. I love this one because it has all the staples of a great Jasmine performance (croaks, burps, screeches, strained glory notes), but it's also much more exciting than most things she did. Uptempo and fun...it just reeked of desperation, and I loved to hate every second of it. The wonderful critiques from the judges also gave her enough confidence for...

1. "It's Raining Men"



How could this not be #1? It pretty much encompasses everything that was mentioned in the previous 4, and so much more! "Come on everybody - I want everybody dancin'!"
*rumblesgrumblesandscreeches*
It's raining men WOO!
*rumblesgrumblesandcroaks*
It's raining men WOOOOOOOO!
*awkwardly walks into the audience to appear personable*
*makes eye contact with no one*
It's raining men WOOOOOOOO!
AMEN! AMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!
WOO!

And then came the t.ears

Hopefully Ramielle can live up to the hype.