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25. Madison
I don't care how young she is, it doesn't make her immune from my hate. The girl is an awful actress and clearly the most annoying character on the show. She acts nothing like a normal child, or even a normal human being. And I can't figure out how old she's supposed to be, because she acts like a retard yet is clearly more knowledgeable than the 2 year-old she pretends to be. I have hated literally every second she's been on my screen. I was hoping her disappearance meant they had killed her off without actually killing her or something, but nope, she's back and being as annoying as ever.

24. Hunter
Dude, fuck you. I don't respect guys who show up at weddings trying to ruin them by getting the bride to sleep with him. If he was in love with Trish, then maybe it's reasonable for him to step in, but he leaves for cash, so clearly he's just a total douchebag with no redeeming qualities.

23. JD
What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Not only does he look weird as shit, but he goes around lighting firecrackers as a prank? Really? That's how badass you are, you mildly irritate the grown-ups by startling them with semi-loud sounds? And he's depressed and a loner, which is to be expected from someone who acts like he does. His friends are the zombie man and the annoying-as-fuck little girl. Yeah, you really should have tried harder to kill yourself. And when you witness a cop shot in front of your face, you don't grab the keys and run, dumb shit. Nor do you let your brother stab you on the dock, and then don't say his name when the main character asks you who killed you.

22. Shane
Grow up and stop acting like some junior high fucktwat. You're a grown man, you should know better. Control your emotions and be logical for once in your life, dumbass. I mean jesus, you're in the middle of a murdering spree and you take the time to carve your name in a table? Real mature.

21. Richard
He did nothing but act like a douche and fuck his wife's stepmom. Not particularly endearing. Plus, he's into kinky controlling shit, which I hate.

20. Mrs. Wellington
Gotta put her this low for cheating on her husband with her stepdaughter's own husband. Even if she's been okay since then. And really, getting killed by a prick from gardening shears? How embarassing.

19. Booth
You're not a nerd, and you supposedly killed yourself by shooting your own leg. What the fuck, dude. You're just an incompetent pussy with no first aid skills. And if you're still alive, then you're the only thing complicating what would otherwise be an incredibly straightforward show. You really only get bumped up to #19 due to all the hilarious conspiracy theories in the HI thread in OSTS. Most of which originated prior to you even getting any screen time, and which might end up panning out as you're revealed to be Henry's accomplice, lawl.

18. Nikki
INV1 much? Also, for a badass biker chick, you don't do much that's badass. You're a pretty girly bartender.

17. Kelly
The bitch hooked up with JD, of all the ugly people on the island to hook up with. And whatever her issue was (I don't quite remember, something about Abby leaving) just made her seem like a grown-up Madison, retarded and not fully developed. But we got rid of her pretty quickly and I feel bad that one of her last experiences was banging such an ugly looking freak.

16. Lucy
I don't remember if she was hot, but she probably was, and she brought a dog, so that's nice. Too bad she was inconsequential and worthless. And she died by falling into a fucking pit. Come on.

15. Beth
Anyone who flirts with Malcolm is seriously fucked up in the head. And her death scene sucked, since we just got a quick shot of her body stuffed in some tunnel. I couldn't even tell she was cut up until Sully described her as such. Hell, we didn't even see her taken or anything, she just up and disappears until her corpse is found. Lame.

14. Malcolm
He annoyed the fuck out of me. His obsession with money was both cliche and stupid, and he wasn't even the jovial funny fat guy, he was the sniveling worthless one. I only comend him for his ability to get Beth interested in him, and his decision to burn the cash.

13. Sheriff
I honestly don't know what it is about him, but he annoys me. Just his acting and overall demeanor, I guess. He's probably one of the smarter characters on the show, but that's not saying much. And his facial expressions make me want to punch a baby. Plus, he's caustic and mean for no reason. But I know he'll probably die heroicly, so I'm trying to make myself dislike him less.

12. Mr. Wellington
In such an unlikable cast, even the asshole father can make it pretty far in the rankings. I mean, he kinda turned a new leaf before getting his head chopped in half. I don't think he would have changed much and I'm sure he would have remained the same douche who invited Hunter to the island just to ruin his daughter's love, but eh, there was potential for growth. And I'm sorry your wife cheated on you for someone as fug as Richard, dude. You must have really sucked in the sack.

11. Sully
He's a little bitch, but at least he's decently entertaining. Not in any likable way. He'll probably die saving someone and it'll be valiant and shit, but clearly he's rotten and I'm going to remember him as a villain, yw.

10. Jimmy
There's nothing really wrong with him, I just don't see what Abby finds appealing about him. He's pretty nice. And that's about it. I thought he'd end up being our hero, but his edit hasn't really supported that too much. He'll get the girl, but I'm not so sure he deserves it, because he doesn't bring much to the table. And he clearly doesn't get the least bit excited by things that would elicit more of a reaction from most people. I think it's because he's a bit slow.

9. Maggie
She's dumb and only serves to further the plot, but her random knowledge and obsession over mundane things is entertaining.

8. Danny
As a useless side character, Danny's someone I've ended up liking more than I might expect. Since I hate most of these people, that puts him at #8.

7. Shea
There's nothing wrong with her, except perhaps that she still loves her daughter despite the fact that her daughter is that fucked up Madison. And having your husband cheat on you for your stepmom must suck pretty badly. She's handled herself surprisingly well considering what she's had to put up with.

6. Uncle Marty
He was totally involved in major shit that we never found out about, and he pretended to be laid-back and fun-loving when clearly he was a deadly go-getter. Alas, his bottom half was hacked off by a machete. Check where you're walking, dude. Even if you hadn't been chopped up, falling through a bridge is pretty gay and liable to get you injured.

5. Abby
I don't really like her that much, but overexposure to her has forced me to slowly come to appreciate her more and more. She's nothing great and I'd much prefer a different female protagonist, but oh well, she's aight. Even if she's interested in simple Jimmy for no reason other than nostalgia, and hasn't lost her innocence despite living in LA.

4. Trish
She's hot, which is a plus. Besides that? She actually does things and is one of the only people to survive a kill attempt (although I suspect the closing pool screen wasn't a real murder attempt at all, just an odd happening). Freaking out on Henry because her father was chopped was kinda a bitch move, but being as Henry's the killer, I can understand her reluctance to want him all over her following that event. I really hated how it seemed she was close to hooking up with Hunter (at least she denied him) and I hated how she's become a complete mess ever since her dad was offed. Hmm, I guess I don't really like her much after all. I thought she could be good early on, but she hasn't gone anywhere decent. Well, take #4 simply because I want to bone you, then.

3. Chloe
The only bad thing she's done is ruin a man's marriage simply to get her fiance's ring back. That was totally unnecessary. Besides that, she's been enjoyable. And hot. Mostly hot. Remember when she was so horny she decided she had to bang Cal while the Sheriff was laboring to breathe outside the door? Lawl.

2. Henry
I really just appreciate that he's obviously the killer, and I watch him in that light. So every time he interacts with someone, it's "haha, he's totally lying to you and wants to slice your jugular." At least he's smarter than all these people and, like me, wants to see most of them dead. I can relate. Even if he's doing it to avenge his father, Wakefield. That's not really much of a motive. I hope he legitimately despises them all, too.

1. Cal
Everyone loves Cal, I don't have to justify this. He's the only thoroughly likable character on the show. Sure, he's not that savvy and bumbles quite a bit, but he's cute and has a certain charm that gets girls like Chloe to totally dig him. Plus, he's got book smarts and a willingness to keep trying despite all his lacking social skills. I admire his tenacity. And his hot fiance. And his accent.

Oh, and I haven't seen last night's episode yet, so don't go spoiling it for me, tia.