Why Knut The Bear Is Was Like Lindsay Lohan

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What do Knut the dead polar bear and Lindsay Lohan have in common? A lot, according to communication and body language expert Lillian Glass, who regularly appears on CNN and MSNBC.

In a strangely brilliant post to her blog, Glass explains how the plight of Knut, an adorable baby polar bear that the world fawned over until he grew up, eerily parallels the plight of child stars.

The polar bear, who was raised by humans in the Berlin Zoo after being rejected by his mother, was once so famous he graced the cover of Vanity Fair. On Saturday, he was found dead in his enclosure. But he didn’t die because he was sick, says Glass, oh no, it was because he was heartbroken. You see, as Knut got older and less adorable and the crowds stopped swarming and he couldn’t get any good roles anymore, he became “difficult,” “psychotic” and, believe it or not, a “narcissist.” He also stole a necklace from a jewelry store. No, wait, that’s someone else.

I jest, but Glass actually makes some scary sense as she goes on to painstakingly compare the plight of Knut to the plight of child stars like Tatum O’Neal, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Says Glass:

All too often in business and in personal relationships, there is a chance we can be easily discarded when we are no longer of value or use to anyone.

Knut, accustomed to the paparazzi, or rather to the zoo crowds, became a real diva once he was no longer the It Bear, and would take a fit once the autograph hounds went away. Says Glass:

He acted out and would howl for hours until he saw people come in front of his glass container. When they did, he would immediately calm down. He cried and cried until people took his photos and flashed their cameras in his big bear face. He loved it!

Could this be the secret to getting now-adult child stars to behave? Perhaps instead of an alcohol-monitoring device on Lindsay Lohan’s ankle, she could have a camera strapped to her forehead, one that flashes every so often and emits prerecorded vocals such as, “Lindsay, you’re beautiful and talented! Lindsay, over here!”

Perhaps Lohan’s probation officer wants to try this.

Kiri Blakeley writes about women, pop culture, media and, occasionally, polar bears. Visit her at kiriblakeley.com.