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Eurytol wrote:

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THE DOGSTALKER, THE STUBBLE C.UNT, AND DICKY'S LINK-PORTAL
by eury and wikipedia

The Yuku-transfer has just begun and four admins, Okie Loki, Zeep, Anti, and kf, are evacuated from ezboard to escape the Yuku Magicians. They are sent to post with Mister Slippery, who happens to run the Survivor Sucks board with his housekeepie, banned geddy lee.

One rainy day, the admins decide to explore the magical yukuverse. kf, the youngest, is curious about the drop-down menu in a forgotten board, and discovers that it is a long-lost dicky link-portal... to a snow-covered forest, with a gas-light post in the centre. wtf dicky? There he meets a sheep, who introduces himself as Baa-Baa, and invites kf home for tea. Baa-Baa tells kf that the land is called Hubris and is ruled by the ruthless Stubble C.unt, who ensures that it is always crazy but never Mardi Gras.



kf returns through the link-portal, having spent hours in Hubris, to find that only a few seconds has passed in the Yuku-verse. He is unable to convince the others of his adventure, as dicky's link-portal now appears merely a defunct link station. Anti, the most paranoid of the four admins, is particularly spiteful towards kf for stealing a perfectly tolerable delusion.

Several weeks later kf and Anti click on dicky's link-portal while playing a drunken banning game, and find that it leads again into Hubris. In the forest, Anti fails to catch up with kf and encounters instead a mulleted chick on a sledge pulled by a white Maus. She introduces herself as the Queen of Hubris, and enchants him with some magical dirty pictures. She promises to make him Prince and eventually King of Hubris, if only he will bring the other admins to her land...

After the Stubble C.unt drives on, kf finds Anti in the woods and they return together through dicky's link-portal. kf mentions the Stubble C.unt and Anti realizes that she is none other than the lady who showed him dirty pictures. Back in the yukuverse, Anti lies to Okie Loki and Zeep, claiming that he and kf were just playing and that dicky's link station is no more than an ordinary dicky link station that never works. kf is very upset at his duplicity and chucks a video game at his head.

A few days later, all four admins scramble to avoid banned geddy lee, who is posting magical spells in a show of support of the now MIA Mister Slippery. They click on the link-portal and find themselves in Hubris. kf guides them to Baa-Baa's mansheep-cave, but they discover that Baa-Baa has been arrested, just as the Stubble C.unt had threatened, and that his mansheep-cave has been ransacked by Hammy, chief of the Stubble C.unt secret fashion police. A pair of talking beavers, Mr Beaver and Mrs Beaver, shelter the admins and recount an ancient prophecy that the Stubble C.unt's power will fail when four random admins delete all her dirty pictures from the internets forever. The beavers tell of the true king of Hubris -- a great dog called Dogstalker -- who has been absent for many years, but is now "on the move again."

Anti, still in thrall to the Stubble C.unt and her dirty pictures, steals away to her castle; and the others set off to find Dogstalker when they realize that they have been betrayed. The Stubble C.unt treats Anti harshly when he arrives without his other admins, and sets out in pursuit of them. But her power over Hubris is failing, and she can't trade her pictures for gas money. The other admins reach Dogstalker, and a penitent Anti is rescued just as the Stubble C.unt is about to show him her Happy Place. Calling for a truce, the Stubble C.unt demands that Anti be returned to her, as an ancient law (the "Deep magic") gives her possession of all traitors. Dogstalker offers himself in Anti's place, and the Stubble C.unt accepts. Dogstalker is sacrificed by the chick, but comes back to life through "Deeper magic": when one who... [censored for the children]

In a final battle, the Stubble C.unt is defeated and banned by Dogstalker. The admins become kings and queens, and spend 15 years reigning in Hubris and deleting the dirty pictures from the internets. They grow to maturity before returning to our Yuku-verse, where they find themselves normal admins again. They hear banned geddy lee still talking to the visitors in his head; their years in Hubris have taken no more than a few minutes of time on this side of the portal.

They explain their adventure to Mister Slippery, who believes them straight away and tells them that they would return to Hubris one day, though never again through dicky's now defunct link station. Fucking Zeep!

THE END

(thanks for the idea, pie!)