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Correct guesses: oh em gee: 2, everybody else: 0 (though bryan got the right idea with the BQ one, so I'd give him half a point to determine runner-up).

#55 - Kelly/Christy Don't Get Their Cab To Wait (TAR13, Ep 2)


After a fairly blah premiere, TAR13 churned out an extremely underrated sophomore effort. Unlike TAR14, where even the best episodes always relied on a single team being remotely interesting for one leg, only to slip back into being boring for the rest of the race (Tammy/Victor in Leg 3, Mark/Michael in Leg 8, Kisha/Jen in Leg 9), this was a true ensemble piece with Tina's plane expansion, Nick unnecessary lying to Andrew, Mark/Bill's nerd powers coming to good use, Terence/Sarah's collapse and Kelly/Christy's emergence as great characters.

After vocalising (in harmony) "we must learn to read the clue" on the way to the Roadblock, they immediately manage to ignore the information that they are supposed to make their taxi wait. While this would be enough to put them on the list in itself, what makes it funnier is that the taxi was right there waiting for them the entire time regardless, so in spit of finishing the task in third place, their theory that their cab had vanished caused them to drop down to 8th (then back up to 7th because of the recurrent mysterious unexplained taxi-placement shifts that caused Terence/Sarah's placements to flop all over the place in the second and third legs.

SHOCK SPOILER: This is not the only time Kelly/Christy appear on this list.

#54 - Alison/Donny Take The Slow Bus (TAR5, Ep 2)


Continuing the theme of incredible second episodes with one of my Top 10 favourites ever, BB4's semi-uber-kinda-bitch Alison and her bland, short-lived boyfriend followed up a competent first place in the premiere with one of the more enjoyable eliminations ever.

After quitting the dog-walking Detour (where "MINE KEEP HAVING SEX" <3) and having to switch to the easier tango task, Alison/Donny still managed to end up in 4th place. In recent seasons, with no ability to choose between different forms of transport, this would guarantee them safety. However, because this was the glory days, Donny decided to save money and head to the bus station. Jim/Marsha, Linda/Karen and Colin/Christie, who finished the task afterwards, all opted to try to catch up by using cabs.

Still ahead of several teams, Alison/Donny board the 'Bus To San Antonio', which departs before Chip/Kim and Kami/Karli even arrive at the bus station. But, uh oh, they both get on the EXPRESS BUS.

Despite all that, they STILL aren't in last place, since Bob/Joyce fell behind by being the only team calm enough to complete the dog-walking task without major assistance from the locals But their wise decision to take a taxi gave them a Top 5 finish, causing to vanquish Alison from our screens forever (except for a few seconds inside a vase on BB All-Stars).

#53 - Old People Get Lost (Many Eps)


Getting lost is a staple of the show and not specific to any age group and normally it's difficult to quantify how much dumbness is involved in making them. However, all three of these major disasters, in consecutive (regular) seasons were horrible enough that I couldn't leave them off the list entirely.

Most fatal offenders: Don/MJ, in the most depressing episode ever (slavery + Berlin Wall deaths + Jonathan's wife abuse + the nicest team floundering around miserably for the entire time ). Needing to find the Broken Chain Statue in Berlin, Don/MJ ignored an important part of the clue telling them exactly where the cluebox was located, so wasted 2 hours walking around a nearby church instead.

Most moronic offenders: Fran/Barry at the Viaduto Santa Efigênia. Does this need any comment; it's still the most pathetic display of anything in the history of the show. Don/MJ had at least gone 30 hours without sleep after racing after a race full of vomiting and heavy lifting. Fran/Barry had a drive to the airport and flight they could sleep through

Most frequent offenders: Meredith/Gretchen. Still easily the weakest racers to make it past the first four legs, there was no real indication of how painfully inept they'd be at first. Sure, they fell over in the premiere (and ended up on the final? shuttle at the airport along with Romber), but there was no indication of how horrible they'd be at the most basic tasks until they bled a gazillion minutes trying to find the Cerro Santa Lucia pitstop. In every single leg onwards, they managed to waste colossal amounts of time, most noticeably in the Istanbul leg they decided to climb up a tower for no reason. This does feature my favourite case of Gretchen being completely clueless about how the world operates when she randomly starts bashing elevator buttons yelling "What's Z!??!?!"

#52 - Dustin/Kandice Miss The Detour (TAR11, Ep 3)


After getting lost on the way to the Detour in TAR10 led to their NEL and eventually elimination, you'd think the BQs would be more careful.

But, nary five episodes later, they were driving through Chile, on the search for their next routemarker. After randomly stumbling upon one of the marked Detours, they rather stupidly assumed they'd receive their clue in the middle of the water, or on the other side of the crossing (just like...absolutely no other time in any season of the show).

After checking in at the pitstop 4th, they were forced to turn back to find the missing routemarker, and eventually checked in...4th? So obvious this was far from a fatal mistake. While their navigation in general improved (mostly due to their habit of spending lots of money on cabs) this leg's debacle still could have put an end to their game.

#51 - Gary/Dave Dig From The Walls (TAR2, Ep 9)


This comes straight from another show from my Top 5 - much like TAR4, Leg 9, it's a Final 5 episode where the worst team takes the Fast Forward, with everyone else exhausted enough to be worth watching.

Though it isn't mentioned in the episodes, Dave started getting pretty sick around Leg 8, which started hampering their performance overall. While Gary was a strong navigator, much like a far less inept Dan, his practical skills were limited to standing around wisecracking, so often relied on Dave's guidance to cope with the Detours and Roadblocks.

With Dave virtually out of commission by their Cooper Pedy arrival in Leg 9, Team Thunk (the only TWoP nickname I actually like - Itchy & Scratchy is kind of a dumb name considering how little they fought), arrived last at the the Detours and decided to go opal mining. Tara/Wil and Danny/Oswald, already hard at work, plowed through a deliberately constructed giant pile of rocks. Despite having two teams whose examples could be followed, Gary (and Dave to a lesser extent) start fumbling around, hitting their pick-axe against the SOLID WALL, in the assumption that they are going to miraculously stumble upon precious stones that haven't been planted by production.

This all resulted in what is still my favourite pitstop moment, and the end of the best stretch of episodes in reality history.

#50 - Danny Buys Newspapers (TAR11, Ep 9)


This Malaysia leg lives in infamy in Sucks lore. Firstly, it was the source of our first real TAR11 spoilers (giving us the amazing news that not only were the Chas and Charla/Mirna competing, they had survived the first half of the race AND were in the lead), with izad getting his own cameo. Secondly, the speculation over whether or not one of the non-elimination legs was meant to take place here often leads to people blaming it as one of the main causes of the much (unfairly?) maligned Eric/Danielle win.

But the season could ended up far more horrifically, with Danny shooting himself in the foot as killer fatigue set in. While whichever one of the BQs did the task succeeded because of her looks, and Mirna had her army of "future Charla and Mirnas of the world" to give assistance, Danny was stuck as the only guy to complete the task, looking like a mopey sweaty mess. The task obviously became harder as the newspapers started to run out, so he was quickly resorting to prowling round trash bins and calling a passing newspaper salesman a "loser" for not selling him papers. Despite being miles ahead of the trailing team, Danny resorted

While this bizarrely didn't give them a penalty (though it may have been given and just not aired), it caused them to run out of money, which led to their massive trouble with funds in Leg 11 that started their downslide to elimination. Whether or not Yield Karma exists (not), it caused a psychological toll and denied them a slot in the Final 3.

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