I'm waiting for Safelite Auto Glass Mobile Repair Service to show up. That's why I'm here all fucking day, tormenting you.
There was an air conditioner for my aunt's apartment sitting in the back seat of Mom's car. Auntie says to me: "Mikey, would you go outside and get that air conditioner in case your Mom goes out tomorrow so no one sees it and smashes the window and takes it?"
I had to meet the Viagra guy so I told her I'd do it when I got home.
Mom looks over at me and rolls her eyes and I do the same, thinking together: "Who the fuck is going to smash a window and steal a 50 pound air conditioner?"
I march outside to my truck and see a massive pile of safety glass on the pavement. The rear window is shattered -- pulverized -- demolished -- utterly GONE.
New stereo in there, lots of little electronics and gadgets and shit, some really cool flashlights. Nothing touched, nothing missing.
So now I have to call the cops to file a report for the fucking insurance and time is ticking on Viagra dude.
Fat cop. Kind of nice! Blue eyes, big hands. Maybe 33. Blond hair, buzzed. Small feet, though. What a shame.
He asks if anyone has a grudge against me. The list is a long one but I tell him: "no way" so we can speed this shit up.
I'm sweeping up the glass from the street as he's writing shit down.
Idiot kids, I think. Baseball bat or hockey stick. They saw a Florida plate and had themselves a good old time.
My stuff isn't totally crap. I am kind of hurt that they didn't steal any of it. Name brand stuff. Pioneer. Coleman. What the hell?
On the bright side, two days of open air sure cleared out the smoke smell.
There was an air conditioner for my aunt's apartment sitting in the back seat of Mom's car. Auntie says to me: "Mikey, would you go outside and get that air conditioner in case your Mom goes out tomorrow so no one sees it and smashes the window and takes it?"
I had to meet the Viagra guy so I told her I'd do it when I got home.
Mom looks over at me and rolls her eyes and I do the same, thinking together: "Who the fuck is going to smash a window and steal a 50 pound air conditioner?"
I march outside to my truck and see a massive pile of safety glass on the pavement. The rear window is shattered -- pulverized -- demolished -- utterly GONE.
New stereo in there, lots of little electronics and gadgets and shit, some really cool flashlights. Nothing touched, nothing missing.
So now I have to call the cops to file a report for the fucking insurance and time is ticking on Viagra dude.
Fat cop. Kind of nice! Blue eyes, big hands. Maybe 33. Blond hair, buzzed. Small feet, though. What a shame.
He asks if anyone has a grudge against me. The list is a long one but I tell him: "no way" so we can speed this shit up.
I'm sweeping up the glass from the street as he's writing shit down.
Idiot kids, I think. Baseball bat or hockey stick. They saw a Florida plate and had themselves a good old time.
My stuff isn't totally crap. I am kind of hurt that they didn't steal any of it. Name brand stuff. Pioneer. Coleman. What the hell?
On the bright side, two days of open air sure cleared out the smoke smell.
