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heyheyitspeter wrote:

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Pre credits sequence up, just as a little tidbit while I'm writing it. Please tell me if you don't like my style or whatever and I'll try and amend It. Please comment on if it's written ok, I know my descriptions aren't in as much detail as gf, but I think they are sufficient. Thanks :)

Episode 1: "They May As Well Give Me The Cheque Now."

Epic Tocantins Music

<View of the earth spinning, before zooming in on Brazil>

Jeff Probst: <narration> This is Brazil, <panoramic view of the city of Rio De Janiero, night time> a vibrant, exciting and dynamic <prominent drum beat> country, known best for its' beautiful people, <attractive couple shown strolling hand in hand down a beach>, the world's greatest soccer, <soccer player shown scoring>, and a bustling, hectic nightlife like no other. <return to shot of night-time Rio De Janiero.>

<Screen fades to blue sky in the Tocantins Highlands, with a lone eagle soaring above. A soft flute is playing in the background>

Jeff Probst : <narration> However, for these <camera swoops down to truck with the castaways in> 16 castaways, their journey has taken them to a very different part of Brazil, Tocantins<various shots of Tocantins now shown, with Probst narration over it>. Tocantins is hot, barren and one of the harshest environments to live in on the planet. For these 16 Americans, they have chosen to be stranded here for 39 days, to try and cultivate a new society and play a game for a million dollars. They haven't even spoken yet, but are already eyeing up potential competition <camera now swoops back to truck and focuses on Sydney's face>

Sydney - CONFESSIONAL: Sitting on that truck with 15 strangers was, so, so nerve-wracking but<pauses, laughs and looks down at hands shyly> I guess I'm gonna have to get used to them, 'cuz I'm here for 39 days baby. <looks up at camera and laughs coyly. Camera lingers on her smiling face for a second before returning to the truck and zooming in on Tyson's face>

Tyson - CONFESSIONAL: I wasn't really bothered about all the others on the truck, because <smiles at camera cockily> this game was mine the second I was put on the show, and this face <points to face> and this big old brain <points to head> are gonna guarantee that I win the million bucks. <camera now moves and zooms in on Erinn who has a sly look on her face>

Erinn - CONFESSIONAL: Looking round the truck, I'm feelin' apprehensive but optimistic, and I think that <prominent drumbeat> is the way you have to approach the game in general, 'cuz you never know what's gonna happen next, and your torch could be snuffed at any time, completely blindsided. I plan on doing that to a few people myself. <laughs a little and winks at the camera, grinning with a knowing "evil" look. The camera now zooms in on Sandy>

Sandy - CONFESSIONAL: You know what I feel, screw the competition, at the end of the day, this is a once in a lifetime experience and I wanna grab it by both horns honey! So whether it's 3 days or 30 days,<pause> I'm gon' be satisfied, 'cuz I already won by just bein' here! <camera zooms in on Stephen's face now>

Stephen - CONFESSIONAL: I am a Yale Graduate, so I feel I have an intellectual edge over some of the other contestants, like the blonde, <quick shot of Sydney shown before returning to view of Stephen in confessional> so the only thing I really need to work on is my physical game, because I'm 99.9% confident that I have the social game sewn up. <camera zooms in on Coach>

Coach - CONFESSIONAL : For far too long, the weak <rapid shots of Sierra, Sandy and Sydney shown> have thrived in a game called Survivor. I am here to change this game. The strongest will survive and the weak will fall by the wayside. The revolution has begun. <Resonant drumbeat. Camera now does an overhead shot of the truck following it as it travels along the dusty orange track.>

Jeff Probst: <narration>These 16 Americans must learn to adapt to their new environment, and each other. If they don't they'll be voted out. In the end, only one of them will remain and will become the Sole Survivor. 39 days, 16 people, 1, Survivor! <camera quickly zooms out, with a mountain in the foreground shadowing over the truck>

Okay, some critique.
Use the same color for each member of the tribe, Sandy's is distinctly different from Syd and Tyson's.
Change Jeff Probst's color, its too much like Timbira's.
Turn all 'cuz to 'cause, etc.
Rewatch the Tocantins premier and make this, and the cast, more realistic.
Add more description and grey text (this is optional though).
Make the names in the grey text grey and turn their colors lighter.
No JT/Stephen bromance.
Put Candace in at least the F4.

I hope you do all of this to make my reading experience more enjoyable, but I'll be okay if you don't, though.
Thanks!