Me: I had an ulcer, and it was so bad I was nauseous. I was at the checkout at Safeway, and could feel things ready to blow. I was silently willing my cashier to hurry the fuck up with the ringup on my Tylenol, then sprinted like Carl Lewis out the door, where I promptly doused the entryway with the contents of my dinner. Then I went on my marry way home.
















