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Episode One

Jeff Probst: This is the Brazilian Highlands. Many things happen here making it a horribly dangerous place. Let's see what happens when we put sixteen strangers in the Highlands of Tocantins of Brazil.

(The contestants walk in)
Jeff Probst: Okay, now it's time to split the tribes. When I call your name, go to your tribal mat.
(Camera pans to show a black mat and a red mat)
Jeff Probst: For Jalapao: Stephen, JT, Spencer, Joe, Sydney, Carolina, Sandy, Taj. For Timbira: Tyson, Benjamin, Jerry, Brendan, Candace, Debbie, Erinn, Sierra.

Candace Confessional: I'm looking at my tribe. I don't like Tyson or Benjamin.

Jeff Probst: Go to your camps. It is an 11-mile trek. Here's some watermelons, they will be the only food provided by us during the extent of your travels.

Debbie Confessional: Now, I workout every day, but eleven miles is a lot.
Stephen Confessional: I am a anxious New York Jew. I am not used to walking eleven miles with watermelons. I usually take a bus.

Jeff Probst: First person to your tribal camp will receive individual immunity! Go!
(Everyone begins to pick up food and walk)

(Jalapao walks to camp)
Joe Confessional: I am carrying more than some people. Like Sydney and Carolina. If they didn't have boobs, I wouldn't be horny, and that would make me mad.

Spencer Confessional: Carolina and Sydney are my best friends right now. I will protect them. We are in an alliance. I could never be mad at them.

(Jalapao arrives at camp. JT begins to sprint for Individual Immunity Idol, but falls. He is trampled by Taj and Sandy, with Sandy ending up on top)

JT Confessional: I don't like that Sandy and Taj trampled me.
Sandy Confessional: Havin' individual immunity feels good, because I don't have sex appeal. I am a sex kitten.
Taj Confessional: I'm going to make an alliance with JT and Sandy. Because I attacked them both, and that's how my vile mind works. I am fat.

(Timbira walks to camp)

Tyson Confessional: I am carrying lots of stuff. I cycle so I am strong.
(Camera pans to show Coach carrying a single melon)
Coach Confessional: I feel like I have to be a superman for my tribe. They'll vote for me if I am not.
Candace Confessional: Candace doesn't like when Ditka doesn't carry watermelon. Candace likes watermelon. He could have carried more.

(Candace and Debbie approach Coach)
Debbie: I'm carrying four melons. You have one Coach.
Candace: This is unacceptable. Go back and get more.
Coach: No.

(Timbira makes it to their camp)

Jerry: We're here! Hooray! I haven't been so happy since I got back from the war!
Erinn: Oh! Me and my friends talk about the war all the times! We love the war! We sometimes google the war.
Jerry: Be quiet.

Jeff Probst: Come on in guys!
(Both tribes enter)
Jeff Probst: Who has individual immunity?

Spencer: Sandy.
Brendan: I do.
(Everyone on Timbira is shocked)
Brendan: Yeah, I lied.

Jeff Probst: Wanna know what you're playing for?
(Sydney nods and smiles)
(Jeff rips a blanket off, revealing tribal immunity stick and flint)

Jeff Probst: The challenge will be whoever can gather the most pounds of foliage in five minutes and have it on this scale. Most foliage wins. Go!

(Timbira scrambles and starts ripping a sapling out of the ground. Jalapao takes a more conservative approach, pulling grass out of the ground. With four minutes gone, Timbira finally gets the sapling, giving them a huge lead. With five seconds left, JT steals the sapling and with his cunning Jalapao wins immunity)

(Jeff gives Jalapao immunity and flint, and they walk off)
Jeff: Timbira, I'll see you later.
(Timbira walks off bitterly)

Debbie Confessional: Losing sucks. It's a good thing I am forming an alliance with Candace, Erinn, and Jerry.

Jerry: Who should we vote out?
Erinn: Well... Brendan lied... but Coach is a douche.
Candace: I hate Coach. He tried to lick me in a dream.
Erinn: Coach it is.

(Jalapao is making fire. Carolina makes fire)

Stephen: Carolina, you made fire!
Carolina: Wanna make out?
Stephen: Sorry, I'm an anxious Jew.

(Coach is making an alliance)
Coach: So how does this work? I just vote for Erinn?
Brendan: Yup. And you'll not leave ever. And you'll fly.

Coach Confessional: Brendan promised me a way to be superman. He's rich, so I'll do it.

Tyson: Brendan, Erinn is going right?
Jerry: Well... since you talked to everyone, right?
Brendan: I've talked to everyone. They are all voting that way.

Brendan Confessional: I lied. I talked to noone. I am rich so I can do that. And I have immunity.

(Tribal Council #1)

Jeff: How is everyone, TImbira?
Erinn: Bad. My name came up according to Tyson.
Tyson: Yup.

Jeff: How does that effect you, Erinn?
Erinn: Well, I could be going home tonight.
Jerry: We all could.

Jeff: Coach, do you think you are going home?
Coach: Nope.

Jeff: I'll tally the votes.

Jeff:
Candace
Coach
Coach
Erinn
Erinn
Erinn
Coach
Coach

Jeff: Coach, give me your torch.
Coach: Scumbags.

Jeff: 15 left. Grab your torches guys.

Coach's final words: I am delusional. At least I'm not on Samoa.

srvivrfreakevelrich wrote:

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Shalomo wrote:

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Make Carolina a first boot. Oh, that would be ironic in so many ways.

Carolina will be first
Stephen will be second
I guarentee you

Jeff P3 wrote:

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....and with that first boot, this fanfic has failed.