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22. Richard Alpert



Richard is by-far the most interesting person on the Island, but he has done nothing that exciting to be honest. Apparently he's been bumped up to star-billing next year so we can finally get some insight on this bitch. One thing I like about Richard is that he's fucking blunt. He tells people what he knows and he doesn't bullshit. He's also very open to listen, but he knows when to ball up and be the leader.

I just like that picture. ANYWAYS I must thank Richard immensely because he is the one who brought my imaginary wife to the Island, Juliet <3.



One of the most compelling things about Richard is that we were lead to believe he had all the answers when we first saw him, but like Ben, homeboy has NO IDEA what the fuck is going on. He blindly obeys Esau-Locke and brings him the compass or whatevs.

I do not love Richard, and therefore his stop is #22.



21. Tom Friendly




One other I do have slight love for is Tom Friendly. I was hoping he would defect to the Losties like Juliet, Alex, and Karl- but alas he did not. He was too loyal to Ben. So loyal that he wore an EPIC santa beard around to fake out the survivors.



I don't have much to say about him, but he was basically the only Other who seemed to have logic in them. He wasn't so gung-ho LETS BEAT A BITCH UP about everything and it's quite possible he might've had an IQ in the triple digits. I know- ~shocking~ for an Other.



One of my favorite things Tom did was in Michael's flashback in NYC where he pretty much told Michael to grow some balls, get over himself, and STFU. Tomownage <333



Next 4 should be up later today

20. DESMOND HUME



Has anyone noticed that the men on this show are overdramatic and irrational, while the women are strong and stable? I like for my women to be crazy and my men to be logical and LOST simply denies me of that. Desmond is a nice example of someone who is kind of batshit and emotional, so I've done my best to channel my love for someone like Chima into Desmond. But alas, I cannot. He has a dick.



Before Desmond crashed on the Island, he liked to do random shit without explaining anything to anyone. PATTERN? He completely dumped Penny randomly and then tried to win her back. This lead to an epic scene in which he barges into Charles Widmore's office and ~demands~ to know where the fuck she is.



He then tries to impress her by going into a boat race? WTF? Anyways, it allowed for more Libby screentime so I'm not hating.



He then crashes onto the LOST island where bashes that bitch Kelvin's head against a rock and then continues to push a button in order to ~save the world~. He is so fucked up in the head. He misses it once which makes the Flight 815 plane crash. TY Desmond for all of this hysteria.



Desmond then integrates in with the survivors of the crash and he's basically useless for the remainder of Season 2 until he blows up the fucking hatch =/. He then wakes up naked and claims he can see into the future. I personally think that this is complete BULLSHIT and that Desmond is just bonkers. [The word bonkers <3].



I personally think that Desmond just wants to get into Claire's pants so he constantly tells Charlie he's going to die. So then Charlie just kind of commits suicide to get it over with. Desmond's plan=SUCCESS.



Anyways, in Season 4 Desmond goes through this weird "Constant" thing which I won't even begin to talk about because I'm still confused by it. It lets Penny know that Desmond EXISTS so she goes out looking for him, leading to this emotional reunion:



Aw.

But Desmond's still one crazy motherfucker.

19. JOHN LOCKE



Any love I have for John Locke comes straight from sympathy. He falls into that category of people who need to stop being so fucking vague (if you're getting tired of hearing that- this is the last time I'll say it. Everyone else is relatively blunt). I really hate John Locke's storyline. It has a terrible beginning, okay middle, and terrible end. John Locke was born prematurely I think and was like constantly abused and made fun of in high school.



He has like the WORST DAD EVER who manipulates him into like giving his kidney or something and then tries to kill him. If Anthony Cooper was on this list, he would be DEAD FUCKING LAST. Do people like him really exist in the real world? o_o. If so, Earth sux.



Locke then falls in love with Helen who pretty much OWNS him and rejects his proposal, leaving him heartbroken. THEN SHE DIES in season 5. Locke's life is amazing!



Locke crashes on the Island after going on his dumbass walkabout thing. ZOMG HE CAN WALK AGAIN, but he doesn't tell anyone? WTF? Instead of being logical he replaces the void Helen left in his heart with the Island. (Reminiscent of Kate & Aaron, right? Kate is obviously just envious of the fact that the Island gave Locke more attention than Sawyer gave her). The only person on the Island who actually realizes that something magically delicious happened to Locke is powerg.oddess Rose (who is the only crash survivor to have actual intelligence).



Locke takes Boone under his wing and goes on a ~mystical quest for bullshit~ leading to Boone's death. Locke feels kinda bad but gets over it, like he does when most people die. He is delusional and basically falls victim to Ben's manipulation. This leads him to PWNING Naomi's shady ass.



The worst part of Locke's storyline is that he becomes the leader of the Others, and under orders from Jacob he goes back to the mainland in order to get everyone back. The only person to listen to him was Hurley basically and Jack & Kate decide to be TOTAL SELFISH DICKS and lead him to imminent suicide. Jate <///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////3. But Ben stops him and then Ben gets his own Lockenvy and is like O NOES JACOB LOVES HIM MORE and kills him. Ben is such a trainwreck <3333.



Locke just annoys me and depresses me, so he's off the countdown.

18. CHARLIE PACE



With the elimination already of Sayid, Desmond, and now Charlie- people are probably going to have a meltdown but IDGAF. Charlie was fucking annoying. But I did have some love for him during the end of Season 2 and Season 3 so I will first get rid of the negative and focus on the positive of Charlie Pace.



Charlie's storyline starts him out as washed up rockstar who had a one-hit-wonder. YOU ALLLLL EVERYBODYYYY. Charlie's brother was a piece of shit and Charlie kept basically going back to him everytime and asking to be raped of his money and dignity until his brother basically destroyed him. This lead to Charlie's severe drug addiction. His life=dumb. He starts dating some bitch named Lucy in order to steal from her which kind of brought some LULZ. I've never seen a golddigging guy on a TV show but whateva.



His meth addiction continued on the Island where Locke continually called him out on his bullshit.



Charlie's personality is basically him overreacting to whenever anyone talks to him. When someone accuses him of being on drugs, he divas out and runs away into the forrest flailing his arms. Whenever Hurley was in the hatch and wasn't allowed to tell people about food, Charlie practically revoked Hurley's BFF status because he was keeping secrets. Charlie was obviously jealous that the A-Team liked Hurley more. I was so happy when he kind of died at the hands of Ethan.



Then Jack & Kate had to come in and recuse him and RUIN EVERYTHING. But I'm glad they did because post-almost-death Charlie kinda rOOld. He falls in love with Aussie-Angel Claire <3 and becomes the father figure for Aaron.



AWWW. This leads to Charlie getting off of his drug addiction and actually becoming an efficient member of the island's society. Before Desmond brought up his bullshit future-seeing shit and basically had Charlie die, Charlie was able to be a part of the DHARMA VAN 4 in one of my favorite episodes ever <33



Then Charlie went on his suicide mission to save everyone where he pwnt Greta & Bonnie. But then he drowned just to tell people that the Kahana was not Penny's boat. Yet the Survivors STILL trusted them but it kind of led to a split-faction.



His death was really sad. RIP CHARLIE PACE.

17. BOONE CARLYLE



BOONE <3. I loved Boone for the one season he was on and his death was such bullshit. However, because he died Season 1 I can't really put him higher than anyone else. Boone started out the show with his incestuous relationship with his sister LOL. But its okay because they're just step-siblings? Whatev. Boone however is pretty smart and when Shannon tries to con him out of money he realizes it and pwns the bitch in spectacular fashion.



At the island, Boone consistently called Shannon out on her annoying bullshit while still fucking her every now and then. BOONE=THE MAN.



Boone kind of tries to be the leader when the survivors crash and just kind of fails because Jack the vagina-monster actually went to med school and takes over the role that SHOULD'VE went to Boone. Boone kind of goes under Locke's wing since Jack & Locke are mortal enemies and then Locke has Boone do random shit including going up in that plane. Boone gets killed because of it and was the first main character to die on the Island.



RIP BOONE CARLYLE

Spoiler for the next 3: