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Because I really don't have the patience to do 180+ writeups (esp bc the first 50 would probably just be "they were kind of funny and in a pretty weak cast"), I'm just going to rank the TOP 30, but with epic detailed analysis of why they are the greatest figures in reality history. This way it will be quicker to get to the "ADC has lost all credibility" comments :/

Why are Alexis, Brent, Jordan, McKey, Victoria, and Kahlen ruining that amazing wall?

How can you not love Alexis? She was as bitchy as Irina, but a redhead, so x100 times better.

Where's Julia from HK3?

On my imaginary Most Hated HK Contestants list.

Lacey has to be in his top 5 for the depth of her redhairness.

Lacey is not a redhead >:-( The only ugly redhead in reality history (and presumably the world) is Lisi, probably because she was created in a lab as the result of a bet between two mad scientists trying to defy God's law that all redheads should be amazing.

I'm gonna rank them all until I get bored, then mini-rank up until I get to the real stars. These are my shameful WORST FAVOURITES EVER:

180. Scottie - Design Star 3 - 9th/9
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

He was really only my favo because he wore a bow-tie <3 He, and everyone else with a personality, got booted after two episodes, so I stopped watching the show, though checking the Wikipedia chart to write this up, the winner was actually okay. So yay!

Scottie stormed off the set before this elimination could take place, so here is a picture of a bowtie:



179. Alicia - Sport's Illustrated's Next Swimsuit Model - Winner
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

This was the second US reality show I ever watched, after ANTM1, and needless to say I was NOT IMPRESSED Ignoring the fact that guys generally find women hotter if they are unattainable, as opposed to being filmed having menial arguments about toothbrushes, Sports Illustrated decided to create a reality show. A reality show with a famously rigged winner.

It is a sad reflection of the world that a 'Sports Illustrated - The Best of Swimsuit Model Search' DVD exists, while TAR5 is still completely unavailable anywhere :/

Devastated at being only my 175th favo, she decided to have a sex change to avoid being recognised in public from her many disappointed fans.



178. Jeff - The Cut - I DUNNO, I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT ALL YET LEAVE ME ALONE, NO SPOILERS
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

FUN FACT: The ® in the picture is not part of the GettyImage text but is actually tattooed onto his face.



Not really, but I dunno what to say about him.

Proving it was possible to make an Apprentice rip-off worse than Martha's version, The Cut featured lots of unskilled boring people, along with two trainwrecks that nobody liked - on the first or second night, GlamoWhore Vlada stripped down to her lingerie and flirted with Family Man Jeff, who did a horrible pretending not to be interesting. She was randomly booted in Ep 2 because of "not showing enough creativity" (aka for being a white woman in a challenge designing a car for a hip-hop nobody, but Jeff lived on and, as of Episode 5, has been on the winning team for every challenge (teams being re-picked every episode, and Jeff being picked last or second-last every time, hoho). Unless he has a Pootie-esque breakdown in Episode 6, he is prolly going to stay in my Bottom 10.

177. Sparkle Josh - Design Star 2 - 6th/11
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

A flamboyant gay man on an interior design show? WHO KNEW?! In a show looking for the best design personality, he easily stood out, but he got booted for something I don't remember and some dull fugbeast won the audience vote at the end

Here he is grasping a pillow in DESPAIR at being eliminated:



176. John - Top Design 1 - 10th/12
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

He provided the only memorable moments of the entire season by arguing with his partner (the Ralphie from A Christmas Story lookalike). Naturally I assumed this would mean a season of GRIPPING DRAMA, but then he spent all of Episode 2 being a weepy mess and blamed all his yelling on his anti-HIV injections. This took out all the fun of laughing at/with him, as did his elimination in the second episode.

Since he has the dishonour of being the only person on this list not on the memory wall, here is a picture of him, looking SHOCKED at being eliminated from this list so soon:



175. Tom - Hell's Kitchen 2 - I dunno how he did, I gave up halfway through the season, but NO SPOILERS, thx
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

I was mistakenly told by a dirty liar that HK2 was the best season. Imagine my horror when I violently disagreed and stopped watching after three episodes. Tom was the only person I could even remember, due to my default favouritism towards inept old men.

There is only one picture of Tom anywhere on the Internet, but if you use your imagination, you can see the heartbreak in his eyes that he couldn't save the season for me



174. Wisit - Top Design 2 - 7th/13
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

I generally support gaysians on reality TV, bc they are usually comically socially inept (Jerry on PR5, Greg on BATG5), and this freak is one of the longer lasting examples. After the fan favo Goil in the first season, it was no surprise they would bring another nerdy Azn into the mix, but this one was much more colorful. His gimmick was opera singing like in this clip:



Unfortunately, that was the only memorable moment of the show, except the episode where Jeffrey was a colossal dick to every contestant <3

Here's Wisit looking wistful, thinking of how highly he could have ranked if he had appeared on a decent show:



173. Victoria - ANTM9 - 11th/13
RUNNER UP FAVOS: AssBurgeress

I was going to plagiarise FourFour so I could make this entry funny, but I srsly don't remember much about Victoria and have no intention of rewatching such a terrible season just for the benefit of an early boot. All I remember is that she studied history at Yale (so smart <3) and pointed out the many flaws of Tyrocracy (so rebellious). And quick Googling proves her last name is MARSHMAN, which sounds like an amazing supervillain.

Here are some of her wise words:

VICTORIA: The way you get ahead on that show is to nod and smile and look pretty or sob about how you wanted this your whole life, or your mom has cancer or AIDS or no legs, or if you don't become a model you're a worthless human being.

Here she is before she got eliminated from the list and after, where she decided to try to hang herself with a green rope



172. Laura - Big Brother 11 - 12th/13
RUNNER UP FAVOS: Bananaman; Spicoli; Kimberly Chabolla's BFF

While some people consider BB to be an interesting sociological experiment, I think it has only ever provided one interesting social observation: shitty people always outnumber good people. Especially with Grodner's tendency to cast genetically unworthwhile human wreckage, chaste angel warriors have always been gone early

The trend started in BB8, with Carol, but America's Player and Jen's HoH was enough to save a few virtuous pure souls like Kail and Zach. BB9's cast was all equally trashy, so the early losses were not as fatal. BB10-11, otoh, failed, with the three good people voted out first and the best-of-the-worst given a blowjob by the producers, removing whatever positive qualities they had.

Laura managed to be the best of the early martyrs bc:

a) She openly hated Ronnie
b) Moments like this: WARNING: DO NOT CLICK SPOILER TAG IF YOU ARE A REFINED HOMOSEXUAL GENTLEMAN OR WOULD LIKE THIS LIST TO REMAIN CLASSY



171. Paula - RR/RW Challenge 17: The Duel II - 13th/28
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

This was my first challenge, so I naturally had no idea what was going on, why there were so many people, why all the men were on steroids and why the women all had the mentality of battered wives.

This was a huge benefit, since it allowed me to genuinely like Evan and his 2580364 confessionals per episode, unaware of how awful he's been in every other season. Evan's partner in crime for most of the season was deceptively Canadian scheming skank Paula. Despite having an easy ticket to the finals by leeching onto Evan, the strongest guy in the game, her wandering cooter-juices got her in trouble, as her lust for co-contestant Dunbar caused her to deviate from Evan's alliances plans and refuse to let him go home. But despite repeatedly offering him serious sexual intercourse on numerous occasions, Dunbar had absolutely no interest due to have a "girlfriend" (even tho he eventually cheated on her with another castmember, providing even more comedy Paula-rejection).

Here she in a mugshot after being convicting of biting her boyfriend. Everyone knows that true goddesses assault their boyfriends by throwing cats at them, but this is the next best thing.



WHO WILL BE ELIMINATED NEXT?