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170. Yvette - I Want To Be A Hilton - I HAVEN'T FINISHED THIS YET EITHER, BUT THIS SHOW SUCKS SO SPOILERS ARE OKAY
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE



She was a stripper (but not the stripper I was talking about in the spoiler tag) and I probably would have ranked her in the bottom 10 instead of Laura, but I totally forgot about her existence, so I have to reward her UTR gameplay.

Her main distinguishing characteristic is being the first non-terrible British contestant on a US reality show <3 Much like Hottie (who will obviously not be showing up for a while), she was a trashy mess who seemed to think she was elegant simply because she had a good accent and knew where to place a lobster fork.

This show and 'The Rebel Billionaire' are waiting to be watched when I'm out of other options, but when I return to it, Yvette'll be the only person I remember.

169. Celia - ANTM12 - 4th/13
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

Louie77's MASTER LIST already covered why this was such a terrible season, so just ignore all the Allison-praise, and pretend that was my opening paragraph.

The main factor in not being the worst season ever was Celia and her conflict with Talia "Toasty" Burns. After HagCreature Domanique in Cycle 10, everyone had high hopes for for another over-the-hill trainwreck. Unfortunately, Celia was far too likeable and self-aware to really fill the role, making her a weird Elyse/Jade hybrid that sounds much better on paper than it was in reality.

Apart from seeing like a good person, she didn't add much to the show except for this:



NB: Given all the trannies on ANTM, I love that her last name is AMMERMAN. If Isis had that last name, she would be "I Am-A-Man" <3

168. Major Victory - Who Wants To Be A Superhero? - 3rd/11
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

I've bitched a lot about TAR's annoying recent habit of relying on tasks that have all their entertainment value come out of their ridiculousness. And while they're completely misplaced in a show that's supposed to be a genuine competition, they work fine in a show that's intentionally a joke: and that's 'why Who Wants To Be A Superhero?' worked so well.

Of all the shows appearing early on the list, WWTBAS had one of the best formats (and still somehow less absurd than ANTM). The challenges carried the show, especially this one:



Why TAR has never done an attack dog challenge, I will never understand

While the overall concept of the show was great, most people who want to be superheroes are dweeby extroverts, without the creativity to do anything beyond rip-off the comic books they read in their parents basements.

Compared to the awkward nerd girls and damaged dorks, Major Victory was a well-adjusted family man - who supported himself as a male stripper. This gave him the campy skills to appreciate the entire goofy premise, playing things up to the hilt.

Obviously Sucksters generally rooted for the fat black woman who came in second, but she was a miserable hefferbeast. If I ever pursue a lucrative stripping career, I will hope to appear like as nice a gentleman as he did. But with a better name than Major Victory, bc he just ripped it off this comic.



167. Aloha - Real Chance of Love 2 - 15th/20
RUNNER UP FAVOS: Show Me

I only watched this show because I wanted to know the I Love Money 3 cast in advance (thanks for all the murdering, RYAN ) but due to my OCD ways, I still keep this show in the background when I am doing other stuff. The only time since the premiere that the show hasn't been background static has been when his punchy Hawaiian had her meltdown in Episode 3.



After eating raw salmon (which she called "Hawaiian style", which is a great excuse for anything), the love of her life Real told her she needed to "domesticate herself". Naturally, she was in t-ears and went to Real's brother, the other love of her life, Chance and told him that he could relate to him because of all they had in common: "Like, our mental illness".

To paraphrase Jamie Newton, I like my women "pretty and crazy", but the insinuation of severe mental disability isn't a particularly attractive quality. Unfortunately, Real and Chance felt the same and she was swiftly eliminated (but is now dating their non-camera whore brother, so we can still keep the hope alive that she'll snap and destroy their family name <3)

166. Marcus - BBUK10 - 7th/22
RUNNER UP FAVOS: Angel From Heaven

Wolverine aka "the Irrepressible Dark Horse" was a slow-burner, who seemed like he'd be an early casualty. The first few weeks of the show involved the Cool Kids putting up posh twat Freddie up against the other outsiders - and because the audience always sides with the "victim" (), Freddie survived four consecutive head-to-head public votes against other housemates. By Week 5, only Irananian nancy boy Siavash and dirty old man Marcus remained and seemed certain to go.

Thankfully, Grodner-esque rigging occurred, with multiple housemates up for the week, followed by the addition of new housmates to destroy the original voting block.

Since UK BB consists of about 10503538 episodes per season, I will not go into details about his story arc, but here are enough simple reasons to like him:

1. He made his own action figure <3


2. He tried to escape, like previous amazing housemates, Sandy and Jack Dee <3


3. The one of the greatest Diary Room rants since Elyse <3 (in a video which won't embed):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqDNV98wyf0

165. Brian - Big Brother 10 - 13th/13
RUNNER UP FAVOS: Miss Nawlins

While BB suffers from losing its best characters early almost as much as TAR does, it also has the even more annoying of desperately shoving them back into the limelight. The fact BB10's first and fourth boots ended up getting more pimped than pretty much anyone else in the entire cast is the most extreme example.

Brian was everything I mistakenly hoped/assumed BB8 Mike would have been - a well-spoken, smart, charming guy who was willing to play the game hard, without the personal and cliquey bullshit that ruined BB8-9.

And he was, but he got taken out by even more cliquey assholes. Instead, everyhing got rigged for his witless shouty surroage, resulting in the most anodyne, blah Big Brother ever and one of the worst reality seasons period.

I would have rather watched the 'In The News?' food competition for an hour every week than any of the goings on in the house.



164. Toral - Apprentice 4 - 15th/18
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE



TA4 has the blandest, most indistinguishable cast of any of "big" shows. The only two who stood out at all were bumbling Marcus, who was too inarticulate to really support, and this *%#%$@*.

Apparently, she's a self-made millionairess (so many millionaires on this list, I am such a gold-digger) and it was clear she would be a big character just reading her pre-show Q&A:

Q: Have any previous Apprentice winners motivated or inspired you? If so, who and why? If not, what did you think of the winners?
A: No, and I don't think about them. <3

Q: Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with Donald, George, or Carolyn, and why?
A: I would take my chances floating at sea. <3 <3

Since the only things I remember about TA4 are the Rubble Man song and Jenthura, I resorted to the TV.com reviews page of why you should love her. One person gave her a 0.1, but they made the xenophobic comment that "perhaps she can get a job selling figs or whatever people do that come from her "heritage" as she so boldly mentioned prior to being "fired." So if you don't love Toral, you are RACIST.

Also, you can hire her as a public speaker here: http://www.wcspeakers.com/speaker.cfm?ID=10141
Someone get that for me for my birthday, thx

163. Misty - Survivor: Exile Island - 14th/16th
RUNNER UP FAVOS: Crotch Rot, Shitty Apartment Girl, DILF

Exile Island had a great cast - however, it suffered from a slightly less extreme version of Gabon's problem that none of them were particularly likeable (except Cirie, but I could never root for her whole-heartedly for taking out Timber Tina so early :/)

Shane, Courtney and Terry are three of the best Survivor anti-heroes ever. However, I had to pick Misty because of my irrational love for hot girls in cowboy hats <3



She never became as famous as Jerri, or as successful as Danni, but at least she can match them in 'hat-wearingness'.

161. Beauty and the Geek Australia - Kate and Alan - 8th/8
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

Bc you are unlikely to know what they look like, here they are:


My least favourite people in the entire world are horny geeks. If you are that obsessed with sex, get a girlfriend, don't go "OMG GIRLS PHOARHARRARAARR!!!!" all the time. It's srsly not that difficult. Unfortunately, most of the BATG geeks always jizz in their pants at the thought of seeing mildly attractive women for real. So when the geeks had to massage their partners, most of them gave creepy confessionals like "this is the greatest day of my life!!1" or "I'm never going to wash my hands again!1!!"

Alan, otoh, said: "it's just girls in bikinis I've been to a beach before" <3

As if Alan wasn't enough of a god, his partner was a supreme $#$@, who refused to have any form of interaction with any of the boys. And while all the other geeks got to practice on the beauties beforehand, here is all Alan got to do:





For some moronic reason, the two deliberating teams picked the strongest team (using the justification that they had the least to grow) against the weakest team (bc Kate is a bitch). Kate had a meltdown, while Alan said: "I'd like to stay so I can show her one my of my specialties: covering my emotions and just getting along with the job" <3

Because there's only about 2 seasons on the list where none of the best people got eliminated in the first 3 episodes, he was eliminated Episode 2, making the first boot after the pointless NEL first ep. A predictable early boot, but a sad one.

162. Kristen - Murder In Small Town X - 5thish
RUNNER UP FAVOS: NONE

Kristen: "I'm not used to hearing the words 'loser' and 'suck' come out of people's mouths about me." <3

I'd been hunting this show for ages as it combined three of my favourite things: corny American reality shows; lateral thinking and gruesome homicide <3 I was gleeful to see every episode randomly appear on Youtube. However, I quickly realised why the show failed. Instead of coming up with clever mental challenges for the contestants, 90% of the tasks were "go to this location and listen to a bad actor take part in some poorly scripted exposition". The only certain interactivity each week came from the Killer's Clue (which was a sub-Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego quiz question) and the elimination ceremony, where two people were voted to risk elimination.

This random element could have been catastrophic, as it was in another show coming up on the list soon, but here it worked out amazingly because it saved powerbitch Kristen for several weeks in a row, despite no skill or ability on her part whatsoever <3

Kristen was such a STAR that she got cast on the Apprentice 3, where she received more infamy.

The most devastating trio of consecutive early boots in reality history (until Ron/Marcy, Zev/Justin and Lance/Keri. Or Lena/Kristy, Don/MJ, Gus/Hera. Or most TAR seasons) was definitely creative genius Danny, powerbitch Kristen and snotweasel Michael. Here are two of them, dressed as a vampire and a serpent demon <3



On TA3, her most famous moment was being fired as part of the 'cucumber porn' episode, where everyone did such a poor job that nobody won (greatest season ever <3). She took the reigns because: "my boyfriend's a director-so, I should be the director", bc obv discussed the finer points of cinematography during their wild lovemaking o_O

Hilariously, her website is almost worse than Danielle DiLorenzo's since the only section that works is the Gallery, including this LOVERLY PIN-UP SHOT.

Contrary to the video footage showing up all over the web, involving Kristen K and some lesser equipped driver, Kristen K does have a softer side, which comes out in her book of original poetry. Heartfelt and vulnerable, Kristen K's poems reflect the depth and feelings often lying underneath the toughest exteriors.

Limited editions of Kristen K poetry books and the collection of Kristen K Tshirts are available at www.kristenkirchner.com

a) Where is the footage of this lesser equipped driver?
b) OMH I WANT HER POETRY INSIDE MY BOOKSHELF

"Kristen, what is your opinion on being ranked so low?"