Hi CLD and SPN! :3

OK, first 4 rankings.



33. Marilyn Manson
Also known as: Marylin Manson, Marylin Mason, Charlyn Manson (Charles Manson, ahaha)

Yes, we know that this fic is one massive, exaggerated self-insert, but dragging real life people into it just completely destroys it I think. Manson first features on part of many 'goffick' memorabilia in Ebony and friends' collection, including T-shirts, towels and of course the music they listen to. Marilyn is also used to describe the singing and physical characteristics of particular characters. He makes his real-life appearance back in the 1980s timeline (long, not exactly concrete story that will be covered under 'Satan'), when Satan a.k.a. Tom Bombodil asks Ebony out on a date.

"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat."

First off, Muggles DO NOT know Hogsmeade exist. And The Exercise. You've got to be shitting me. Now for the concert:

"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers.

OK, WHAT THE FUCK. And that's all Marilyn's got in the story because it's really not about him, it's about Ebony and her whole lot of gothic retards and the 'story' descends into yet another fight at the concert. It's also a disgrace to drag Marilyn Manson into this steaming mess since he actually seems like a relatively articulate, well-spoken person in real life. (Watch his interview on Bowling for Columbine.) I cannot approve of his inclusion in this story and hence, he comes in last.



32. My Chemical Romance

Tara wants to get into Gerard Way's pants. That much is obvious in the name of the main character/Sue, Ebony Dementia Dark'ness Raven Way.

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

Wouldn't this make it... incest? Or am I giving this story too much credit? Anyway, same deal as with Marilyn Manson, MCR appear on various goffick stuff and conveniently hold a concert in Hogsmeade. After Draco makes up with Ebony for the 193293546638th time:

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

If you hate Hilary Duff, why the hell are you watching something she's in, let alone doing something she did?! And yeah... in Taraverse, Ebony is loved IN SPITE of her many misanthropic adventures. But I'll save that for a later post.

MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother.

...

Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!

Gasp. Gerard Way is Voldemort in disguise. Who'd have thought? Also, cut it with the damn ellipses. So MCR random re-do their concert since 'da Death Dealers' interrupted the last one, which is high time for Ebony to go whoring it up with someone who ain't her boyfriend Draco Malfoy.

I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall.

Talk of the concert ends there when the slut was discovered cheating. Basically, these concerts are just stupid excuses for shit to happen in the story. Which brings me to my next entry...



31. Good Charlotte

Good Charlotte is the very first band to play a Hogsmeade concert in the story.

Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

I BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, DID YOU. The concert is really an excuse for Draco and Ebony to do 'you-know-what' for the first time.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

You tell 'em, girl. Except Hilary Duff is actually brunette now, but eh.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them.

*insert IRL fapping here* And finally, Good Charlotte makes an appearance when Ebony has to travel back in time to the 1980s:

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. "actually I like gc a lot too."(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s)

OK. That is not how the time-space continuum works, nor was that remotely funny. YOU NEED TO BE SHOT.



30. Argus Filch & Mrs. Norris
Or: Mr. Norris & Filch, Filth

Not much to add here, Mr. Norris & Filch only appear in one scene and are above the other 3 solely because Tara mixed their names up and called the cat Filch. Filch was always a grumpazoid, but yeah. It's when Vampire and Ebony go in search of Draco after he runs out 'in a suicidal way' and Ebony 'stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide'. WELL, MAYBE HE WOULDN'T WANT TO KILL HIMSELF IF YOU'D STOP CHEATING ON HIM, YOU SKANK!

And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way.

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then……………………….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him.

I suppose Harry Potter is still awesome even when he's all mangled and canon-raped as 'Vampire;. And 'under his breast'. Snicker. P.S.: Get used to the caps, they're everywhere in the story.

Next 4:

I know! It is so epic. <33333 Those parts you've mentioned are defo gold, and the story is full of it really! Tara's feud with Raven, her various critics and threatening to slit her wrists now and then is <333.

Next 4 rankings up shortly!

survivorisdabest wrote:

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LOL @ "Darkness"

and omfg i almost lost it when morti mcfli was introduced. the entire time travel storyline was hilarious and led to enoby/ebony's mission to have sex with voldemort. omg tara i love you <3

hahahha @ gothic camera pouch. Snap and loopin are my favourite duo in the fanfic. How good is the "chaptyr" (as tara would say) where loopin asks enoby for a "condem" and then later walks in on snap and loopin having sex while dobby watches (WTF). oh and back when she was writing it i would follow it closely and read each chapter the moment it came out, and i remember that the point at which i realised this was the greatest thing in the universe was when the chapter came out where snap and loopin where filming enoby in the bath tub while 'masticating'.

Wuming have you seen the movies of my immortal? And have you found tara's website where you can take her quiz to determine whether you are a goff, poser, prep or nred?

Ebony's mission (which is easy enough anyway since she sleeps around with anyone goffick) is lulz.� As is Profesor Sinister's explanation for it (to come in the Tom Riddle and Professor Trelawney updates).

ITA about Snap and Loopin, and you're damn lucky you got to see the trainwreck unfold! I only heard of it back in Chapter... 39? When Tata's account was hacked and some troll who thought she was clever made a boring chapter. It's hard to rank chapters, that was actually my original plan,.maybe I should do that. But after the character rankings are over I'll rank Ebony's outfits.

Yeah! I much prefer the movies to the readings to be honest, I like having to see the lulz right in front of my eyes... These 2 are my favourites.





I remember browsing through Tara's quiz, I probably had the score for a prep... Unfortunately the quiz is no more. ;-; But, I present you with a webcomic:

GauchGauch wrote:

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The only HP Fan fic I ever read was about Hogwarts's student who were sending each other letters to talk about a big event : Harry Potter had lost a gamble (I think) and so he had to play Quidditch naked. It was a big WTF for me but I realize it was nothing compared to "My Immortal". Worst Spelling/Grammar Ever.

x.x

I'm not a big reader of fanfics, there's too much bland/boring/blatant fanwank stuff out there, but the truly horrific ones are testament to the depths of human obsession. Which make them both horrifyinly funny and sad... I just read a Harry Potter fanfic where Hermione became a slutty, latex-wearing vampire/man-eater living in New York City after Voldemort tried to sacrifice her (a la Jennifer's Body). What. The. Fuck.