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Land of the Lost Remake
"Will Ferrell is set to star in a big-screen remake of Saturday-morning TV cult hit Land of the Lost. No other casting has been announced, but we think David Guest would make a mighty fine Sleestack."

Britney's Pregnancy Test
"A pregnancy test allegedly used by Britney Spears was purchased by GoldenPalace.com, the same Internet company that bought the grilled cheese Virgin Mary. Even odder? 'Grilled Cheese Virgin Mary' was Britney's nickname in high school."

Colin Farrell Sexploits
"Dame Eileen Atkins, a 70-year-old actress revealed she was propositioned by movie star Colin Farrell but turned him down. Farrell was disappointed, so to make up for it, he nailed three 20-year-olds and put the other decade on a gift certificate."

George Lopez Transplant Surgery
"Comedian George Lopez underwent successful transplant surgery last week after receiving a kidney from his wife. Lopez's wife said that hopefully using her kidney will remind George to put the toilet seat down."

Michael Jackson Trial Troubles
"Michael Jackson has lost a member of his defense team, as Brian Oxman removed himself from the case last week. Oxman told reporters that he's eager to spend more time with his conscience."

Anna Nicole Smith Exposed!
"Anna Nicole Smith flashed her breasts and underpants at the Grand Ole Opry. The incident took place during the taping of Anna's new special, Howdy, Look at My Business."

Star Wars TV Shows
"George Lucas revealed that two TV series based on his Star Wars films are in the works. Well, that explains the line of nerds camped out in front of my television set."

New Reality Show
"TV producer Mark Burnett is developing a new reality show inspired by Touched by an Angel. It will be a quest to find the one reality-show contestant who doesn't deserve to go to hell."

Britney Spears' Pregnancy
"During the beginning months of pregnancy, Britney can expect sudden cravings for fattening foods, rapid changes in breast size and throwing up in the morning. So, it should be business as usual in the Spears' house."

Anna Nicole Smith Defends Seals
"Anna Nicole Smith is urging fans to write angry letters to Canada's Prime Minister in a bid to stop the country's barbaric trend of seal clubbing. She added, 'It's terrible to force these seals to take party drugs and dance all night to disco hits of the '70s...no more seal clubbing!'"

Mickey Rourke Disses Paris Hilton
"Sin City star Mickey Rourke, was quoted last week as saying that Paris Hilton doesn't have the talent to be called an actress. Rourke then went down to the L.A. County courthouse and had his name legally changed to Captain Obvious."

Cops Renewed for 18th Season
"Fox has renewed Cops for an 18th season, making it one of the longest-running shows in television history. So far all you shirtless, doughy, ponytailed guys out there who haven't yet had your 15 minutes of fame, the window's still open, brothers--break on in."

Michael Jackson Trial Troubles
"The son of a former Neverland Ranch housekeeper testified on Monday that Michael Jackson touched him inappropriately three times back in the 1980s and '90s. The man claims that while they were watching cartoons, Jackson began tickling him, reached into his pants and touched his testicles. In Michael's defense, it's becoming harder and harder to finish the sentence, 'In Michael's defense.'"

Sean Penn Retiring
"Sean Penn's latest movie, All the King's Men, has left him with such severe exhaustion, he's retiring from the movie industry for several years to recover. The Oscar winner says he's looking forward to having more time to take himself too seriously."

Desperate Housewives Scandal
"In TV news, a lavish cover shoot for Vanity Fair featuring the cast of Desperate Housewives reportedly descended into chaos over who's the biggest star. A quick poll of tsunami victims says it's Eva Longoria, so you guys can stop fighting now."

Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards
"At the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards Saturday, Hilary Duff took home Favorite Movie Actress and Adam Sandler won Favorite Movie Actor. Proving once again, that kids under 14 have no idea what the word 'actor' means."

why not. I thought some of the jokes were funny. Thought I'd share it with y'all.