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This past summer, I planned to repeat my former proudest Sucks achievement (until the Tribal Council moments list): the definitive episode ranking survey. Back in 2005, I tallied the results of peoples' rankings of every single episode of the first ten seasons, and the results actually turned out to be pretty interesting, even with a few head-scratchers and the fact that the bottom fourth or so gave the impression that the countdown would simply go season by season instead of episode by episode. So with four more seasons to go by, I was even more excited to do this the second time. Until I started compiling the results.

I realize that it's supposed to be a representation of how people feel about the episodes, but frankly, it was just inaccurate and boring. The drawn-out Outback finale beat out the twist episode in Africa…by a lot. Almost every episode from the second half of Fiji topped John's boot in Marquesas. I wasn't about to see what would beat out Shii Ann's boot in Thailand, Alex's boot in Amazon…I couldn't take this. So I basically let the thing die. And I have no plans to unfreeze it from its cryogenic chamber anytime soon. But I've caught the countdown fever that seems to be spreading like gonorrhea in CTS (at least, I hope to God it's just a fever…hey, am I peeing blood?).

So what exactly are you going to get with this list? Well, part of it is what you would've gotten had I gone with the original idea: a picture from the episode, the airdate, and a summary. But we're going to make things special since it's just a top 50. Not only will I be posting why each particular episode made the countdown, as well as a great quote from the episode, but each episode is going to have a little bonus. Most of them will have a trivia question. Some will have a picture puzzle. You get the idea.

But what makes it even more exciting is that in each group of five episodes that I reveal, the first person to correctly complete/answer one of these games/trivia questions will win a free MP3 from the beatles20147 library! All of these games will be 100% objective, and the ones that'll earn you a free song are all pre-determined (and if you guys are all nervous about that, I can send the list to someone who doesn't want to play). The only rule: you can only post the answer to one of the five games in each group. If you post any more, you're disqualified for that round. And if I post the next group before all five are answered, they're still alive, and you can answer one of the remaining ones (if you haven't already answered one from that round) as well as the one of the new ones. The winning questions/answers will be posted once the list is completed. If there's any questions on the games and whatnot, ask away.

The first five episodes will be posted below! The list is all set out in advance, so feel free to make some predictions (I think you all know what #1 is, but let's not spoil the surprise for those who don't know that I'm a huge fan of Flica's boot ep in Cook Islands…oops). Every season is represented if that helps with speculation.

50. Episode 403…No Pain, No Gain

March 13, 2002

At Rotu, John is stung by a sea urchin. The recommended remedy? Somebody urinating on the injury. After Paschal was unable to deliver, Kathy rushed over and gave John some much-needed urine. It wasn't the last setback for Rotu. While constructing a raft for the challenge, Robert sliced his toe on a rock. John was hurt yet again when an eel sliced his finger. And everyone was having a tough time dealing with the no-no bugs. Even so, Rotu won immunity yet again, and a Godfather-influenced Boston Rob used fear to convince three other members of his tribe to vote off the strong Hunter.

Quote: "Fear…it's a tough principle, but fear keeps people loyal. If they're afraid they've got something to lose, then they'll do what you tell 'em to do. That's straight out of The Godfather." - Rob Mariano

Why it made the top 50: This was probably the first-ever really shocking pre-merge boot. Now granted, Hunter obviously wasn't helping Maraamu win the challenges, because they had lost every challenge up to that point. But still, this guy was like a younger, earlier version of Terry. This was seriously on the Gretchen levels of surprising boots, just because it made absolutely no sense on paper for a guy like Hunter to be leaving in the third episode. Also, this may be the only episode in the history of primetime television in which the phrase "I need somebody who can pee on my hand!" is uttered. So purely from a historic sense, it needs to be included here.

The Great Boston Rob Facial Hair Challenge: Boston Rob has some of the most distinctive facial hair in Survivor history. Which one of these three pictures of it came from Marquesas episode 3?

49. Episode 1014…The Ultimate Shock

May 15, 2005

Before the final four immunity challenge, Ian, Jenn, and Katie all decided that if one of them won immunity, Tom would be voted off. After Tom won immunity, Ian slipped up and revealed that he had considered ousting Tom. At Tribal Council, Tom forced a tie, and Ian and Jenn participated in a fire-starting competition. Ian won, and Jenn became the sixth juror. At the final immunity challenge, Ian and Tom lasted almost 12 hours before Ian stepped down under the condition that Tom would vote him off and take Katie to the final two. Ian became the final member of the jury. At a heated final Tribal Council, Tom argued that he played strongly and showed integrity, while a flustered Katie tried to explain how her strategy of lazing around and performing poorly in challenges should earn her the title of Sole Survivor. In a 6-1 decision, Tom was declared the winner of Survivor: Palau.

Quote: "Katie…you were worthless around camp. You were insignificant, even embarrassing on challenges. You would think that the least that you could do was, you know, make some friends around camp. Yet I still can count a number of instances where you ridiculed, made fun of almost all these jury members, and even betrayed them at times. So my question to you is, explain to me and the jury how being so pathetic is your 'plan,' and not your plan to get an invite to number two, but a plan to win you a million dollars." - Gregg Carey

Why it made the top 50: I know Palau's a pretty divisive season, and that there are more than a few Tom haters out there. But even if you don't care for the guy or the season, you've got to admit, this finale was pretty intense. Coming right off the heels of the surprisingly awesome Caryn boot, the finale starts off pretty much the way you'd expect it, with Ian, Jenn, and Katie agreeing to the obvious; that if the practically unbeatable Tom didn't win the next immunity he'd be voted out. And then, big surprise, Tom wins immunity, and it just becomes accepted by all four that Jenn is going to be voted out. Then Ian opens his mouth and tells Tom that he'd have a hard time deciding what to do if he'd won immunity, and all of a sudden, after what looked to be a boring and predictable finale, all hell breaks loose. People are tossing hand grenades; picking up swords and chopping off limbs; ripping off Ian's testicles with their bare hands…it's insane. (I guess I should point out that all of that is figuratively speaking.) Tom gets pissed off at Ian and forces a tie, but Jenn gets out anyway. But back at camp, Tom and Katie are just senselessly bashing the hell out of Ian. And I've got to say, as a big Tom fan, I wasn't really too crazy about it, since I liked Ian too, but it helped lead to the greatest challenge battle of all time, as Ian and Tom stood on their buoys for almost 12 hours, before Ian stepped off when Tom agreed to vote him off and take Katie to the final two. Everybody was all huggy-friendly with Ian again but it wasn't the end of all the conflict and bashing, because at the final Tribal Council, the jury turned Katie into a punching bag (as evidenced by Gregg's quote above). And then my favorite winner ever was crowned. (Although for those of you dying to know-yes, Courtney would've topped him if she'd won.)

Match Game: Gregg wasn't the only one who bashed Katie at the final Tribal Council. Match the juror to their negative comment! Note: Some jurors may be used more than once and some not at all. (You must have all of them correct in order to get credit.)
Coby
Steph
Caryn
Jenn

"You were phony and cruel to everyone except Tom and Ian."
"The only quality that I actually saw you bring to this game was maybe the value of riding the coattails of people who do play the game."
"At camp, I rarely saw you muster enough energy but to stir a coconut."
"Laziest person at camp, mean, bad at challenges, unkind, and betrayed me."

48. Episode 211…Let's Make a Deal

April 5, 2001

After Jerri's boot, Amber begins to feel insecure with her Ogakor alliance. Keith is too busy singing "Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead" to care. But much more important was the quickly diminishing amount of rice. After an auction that gave the Survivors some much-needed treats, and an immunity challenge that Colby won, Jeff Probst came to camp, offering rice in exchange for the tribe's shelter. They agreed. At Tribal Council, Nick became the third jury member.

Quote: "My leaf had a hole in it!" - Rodger Bingham, explaining his bad hygienic luck

Why it made the top 50: Everyone always says that Jerri's boot kills the entertainment in Outback, and although I agree with that, I still think the episode following it is fantastic. (So maybe it was Nick Brown that was the true source of entertainment in Outback?) I love the auctions that everybody else seems to despise, and this first one is the most fun. I still wanna know what the hell Elisabeth said to Probst that put a look on his face like he had just seen Bea Arthur naked. The post-auction 'cleansing' scene for everyone but Colby and Amber led to Rodger's classic line, and of course the episode started out with Keith's tribute to Jerri. It features an awesome immunity challenge (and Nick running back and forth to the water despite the fact that he knew he had no fire going is my second favorite Nick Brown moment after "He's burnt. He's burnt pretty bad") but the highlight is when Probst comes over to their camp and pretends to be all sympathetic. "I'm worried about you guys, I don't want to lose you! Here, have some rice!" And then he demanded Colby's luxury item. The show made it out to be like it was a fair trade; shelter for food, but I bet Probst just wanted it because it was Colby's. He probably used it as a sleeping bag, or maybe he put it to a filthier use. I don't know.

Trivia: Who was the last person to bid on something at the auction?

47. Episode 507…Assumptions

October 31, 2002

The Survivors were instructed to paint themselves five different colors, one for each tribe member. The contestants painted the same color would get to meet and have a conversation. They randomly chose baskets. Clay and Shii Ann went off to Chuay Gahn Beach, while Ken and Helen went to Sook Jai Beach. The four of them decided on which beach the ten remaining players would live at, Chuay Gahn. Assuming the tribes had merged, Shii Ann decided to join Chuay Gahn in voting off Penny. When they went off to the immunity challenge, Jeff Probst revealed that the tribes had never merged. Sook Jai lost immunity and voted off the disloyal Shii Ann.

Quote: "Shii Ann is smiling again-she took a lot of abuse at the other camp at the hands of Robb, at the hands of Penny…and now Penny's trying to figure out, you know, what's going on, trying to figure out Shii Ann's angle…which, you know, that's Penny, what are you gonna do." - Ken Stafford

Why it made the top 50: This is really a tough episode to gauge, because as a standalone episode, it's fantastic, but the fake merge is the moment that pretty much kills Thailand, and ironically, had this season had a regular merge, it actually would have been pretty awesome to see someone flip sides (albeit not the smartest move on Shii Ann's part). But it's a solid episode, especially the duos getting their picnic baskets (a twist that was repeated in All-Stars but sucked-they should do it again in a season of newbies) and a chance to talk with someone from the other tribe for the first time. It climaxes obviously when Probst reveals that the merge didn't happen yet, and then it kind of continues predictably and with a mediocre challenge. But overall, it's pretty awesome.

Shish Kabob? Shih Tzu?: Despite working to get her on their side, Brian proved in the next episode that he had no idea what Shii Ann's name was. Ironically enough, one of his Chuay Gahn tribemates said it to him just seconds before his "Soo-yee? Shin-jo?" stumble. Who was it?

46. Episode 414…The Sole Survivor

May 19, 2002

With just three days to go, all the Survivors were suffering from the intense physical conditions they'd been put through in the past 36 days. The final four immunity challenge tested the final four's knowledge of Survivors already voted off. Vecepia won, and right before voting began, Kathy made a deal with Vecepia to force a tie. After the tie was revealed, they had two minutes to come to a decision as to who should leave. When they couldn't, everyone except Vecepia had to choose rocks from a bag. When he pulled the purple rock, Paschal left the game. At the final three challenge, Kathy fell more than four hours in, and Vecepia struck a deal with Neleh to go to the final two. Neleh agreed, and Kathy was voted off. But before the vote, John (a registered nurse) revealed that Paschal had collapsed before Tribal Council of dehydration. However, he was ok. The next night, Vecepia and Neleh faced the jury. Tammy criticized them and called them hypocrites. But there still had to be a winner. In a 4-3 vote, Vecepia became the sole Survivor.

Quote: "Guys…Paschal died. Nah, just playin'!" - John Carroll (or "That feels like purple, Jeff" - Paschal English)

Why it made the top 50: Everyone's always so down on the Marquesas finale, whether it's because of the purple rock or the fact that Kathy or Neleh didn't win. But the thing is, this is by far one of the most action-packed finales ever. Yeah, I was disappointed with the end result too, and other than Tammy, the final Tribal Council is pretty boring, but there's a ton of great stuff in the first 90 minutes. Obviously you have the controversial purple rock that took Paschal out of the game despite never getting a single vote against him. But it was perhaps the only time in Survivor history when nobody (besides spoiler readers that is) could've had any idea on who got out, and it still puts you on the edge of your seat even when you know what's gonna happen. That's at the same Tribal Council where Kathy struck a last-minute deal with Vecepia that Vee subsequently opted out of at the next immunity challenge after Kathy had a wardrobe malfunction (come on, they'll censor it if your boob pops out! This is for a million dollars here!). Even though it's not my second favorite finale, there's more going on in here than any finale besides Borneo. It didn't play out the way I'd wanted it to, but damn if it isn't an extraordinary episode.

Wrathy Vavrick-O'Brien: The purple rock wasn't the only first the Marquesas finale had to offer. What never-before-seen event occurred that caused this concerned reaction shot from Kathy? (Sorry it's so dark)