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Thanks for the person who alerted me by PM...

I'm sure this is in the dump because it has been asked and answered numerous times.

I don't take offense when people mention my daughter. In fact, I'm completely open to talking about her because I am an advocate for premature babies and the March of Dimes, specifically in unecesarry neonatal death that results in remote or rural hopitals that lack any decent training or resources to handle emergency pre-term births.

I am offended when people who I know are fully aware the my daughter passed away make snide or nasty remarks - and there's plenty of that around here. If someone doesn't know, it's just poor taste to make a rude comment...but I can't hold it against them because they just don't know. I usually just ignore them.

When you see my name, know that it isn't some creepy shrine to a dead daughter. Sadly, because some people here don't like me, that's what they want to see...they do it because they want another reason to not like me. So be it.

My username is meant to be seen as a reminder that lots premature babies are dying needlessly, in hospitals without NICUs or even the slightest of training for transfer to a NICU eqipped facility.

Those familiar with my story understand why I feel so strongly about this. My daughter was perfectly healthy...and my preterm labor could have been stopped, but the nurses at the hospital ignored my symptoms and even said I wasn't in labor when, in fact, I was. They were untrained and unfamiliar with how to deal with pre-term labor. I later learned that they see about one pre-term labor a month, and their usual response is to have the mother lay down and rest...and it goes away.

I should have been immediately transferred by helicopter to a larger hospital, but they didn't think it was necesarry. Since I was ill and it was my first pregnancy, I had no idea what was going on and I stupidly trusted the medical establishment to take care of it for me....even though I was having regular contractions and I knew something was wrong.

When they finally realized that I was actually in labor...and my daughter was born, they didn't have any capability for handling a newborn under 36 weeks. None at all.

The doctors told me that my labor probably could have been stalled or even stopped had I been transferred appropriately...and if not, my daughter had an excellent shot at surviving if she were put on life support immediately upon birth.

Because of what happened to me, and my outspoken ways...it took 4 years, but the hospital where she was born finally has procedures and training in place for premature labor and infants. They don't have a NICU (they don't really need one) ...but they do have emergency equipment and plan of action for transfer when it happens...something that could have made all the difference if it were available to me 5 years ago. Sadly, in the 4 years it took to get that in place, there were 12 premature babies who died as result of not having it. Most of those babies were totally healthy, just as Tara was.

One thing I've noticed is that the people who make the snide comments have clearly never had to actually bury one of their children before. Nobody should ever have to do that...ever.

I registered this name a long time ago...and it was a concious choice. I really don't care what anyone thinks about it...and I'm not going to change it because others are uncomfortable or bothered by it. In fact...I almost prefer that they be bothered by it so they might understand and hope that they know how fortunate they are that they haven't had to go through something similar.

So...if people ask about her, I'm fine to talk about it, but when it is purposefully accusatory or snippy or just plain hurtful because they don't like me...well, they should just be ashamed of themselves.


On that note...November is premature awareness month...specifically November 15th being Premature awareness day:

It's okay mia...as I said, I'm fine to talk about it if people ask nicely. I just can't stand the bozos.


But...really...I'm not going to change my username to make someone else happy. I actually have other nics I use in other parts of ezboard, but I just decided to keep this one here because that's how I'm known. I don't think it's too big of a deal.

Well...losing a child is really traumatic....anyone who has gone through that will understand. There's a difference between a keeping shrine of grief and pity and doing something in somebody's honor - which is what I'm trying to do.

And I *did* go through a serious past-partum depression as a result of everything that happened. I was sick my entire pregnancy, even though she was healthy. So, to have everyone telling you that it would all be worth it (the sickness) when the baby is born...well...it's a difficult irony for even the strongest of souls.

For a few months after her death, I was a nutcase and did really weird things. I can't even believe how messed up I was. But, I was able to work through it just fine. Yeah...I'm upset over what happened, but I don't have a shrine to her or anything...I now take that energy and use it toward having what happened to our family not happen to others. There's no reason for some of these otherwise healthy babies to be dying, simply because they were born in the "wrong place".

I do have a shadowbox that has one of her gowns and a few things of her short life, but you know what? It's not even on display right now...my mother is keeping it for me. It won't be displayed until I have other children, who will also have similar shadowboxes and keepsakes of their births (or when they first arrived in in our family, such as the boys we're hoping to adopt in the next year).